East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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