I feel like abortions should bother me more
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
