Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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