I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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