found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
