True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize