that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
