Apparently you make a good broom.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
