I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
