remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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