Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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