I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
