You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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