Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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