you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We need a shit load of segways right now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
