party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
