Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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