If i could tip my vagina, i would.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My ass is underappreciated
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
