'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
