I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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