I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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