Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
