i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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