Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
