well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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