I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
