found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
