i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry about my life...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
