Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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