remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
