I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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