Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
