So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
