so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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