I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
