dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need a beard to bite.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
