Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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