that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
