i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
