You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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