you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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