There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
