and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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