Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
