I CAN MOONWALK!
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
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OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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