I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
