I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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