Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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