dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize