it hurts more in the daytime
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
