i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
