ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
