Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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