I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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