What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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