I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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