dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
pray to the hookup gods
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
