He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
