Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
