a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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