dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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