my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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