As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
