It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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