You smell like a Billy Joel song
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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