dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
