Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
