my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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