Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I know her cup size but not her name....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
