Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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