Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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