I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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