I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
